A man, an avid Gardener saw a small butterfly laying few eggs in one of the pots in his garden. Since that day he looked at the eggs with ever-growing curiosity and eagerness.
One of the eggs started to move and shake a little. He was excited to see a new life come up right in front of his eyes. He spent hours watching the egg now. The egg started to expand and develop cracks. A tiny head and antennae started to come out ever so slowly. The man’s excitement knew no bounds. He got his magnifying glasses and sat to watch the life and body of a pupa coming out. He saw the struggle of the tender pupa and couldn’t resist the urge to “HELP”. He went and got a tender forceps to help the egg break, a rip here, a rip there, a rip there to help the struggling life and the pupa was out. The man was so ecstatic.
He waited now each day for the pupa to grow and fly like a beautiful butterfly, but alas that never happened. The larva pupa had an oversized head and kept crawling along in the pot for the full weeks and died.
Depressed the man went to his botanist friend and asked the reason. His friend told him that the struggle to break out of the egg helps the larvae send blood to its wings and the head push helps the head to remain small so that the wings can support it through its four weeks life cycle. In his eagerness to help the man destroyed the beautiful life.
The above story and also the conversation I heard my mentor discussing with parents after church service prompted the need to write this article. The Hardships and struggles of life aides all of us, for this reason a bit of effort helps us to enhance our strength to face the hardships, difficulties and struggles of life.
Parents and guardians sometimes go too far trying to help and protect their children from life’s harsh conditions, disappointments and realities. They never want their children to face challenges like they did.
Dr. Dan Kindlon, a Harvard psychiatrist posits that over-protected children are more likely to struggle with challenges and relationships.
I am not saying or emphasizing that your children should not enjoy the privileges that you did not enjoy, good education, good shelter, good clothing…….etc are all good, the fact is that you have given them a good condition to thrive in life and also achieve their dreams. Many Children lack these good conditions thrive in life and achieve their dreams and they keep hoping and praying that their dreams are achieved which leave them as prisoners of hope. Many parents have gone through hard times and when I hear the stories of the struggle of most parents, it’s sad. Stories of how they got to where they are today but the moral lesson of what I always learn “HARDSHIP BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN YOU”. No matter what the challenge is, as a Christian I was brought up with the notion that God will never give you a problem that you can never handle.
A friend and a mentor once told me that always do your best in whatever circumstance you find yourself and when the benefits is not forth coming, always be consoled that you did your best. Parents should imbibe this fact to their children doing your best is always honorable.
To also quote a clinical psychologist Dr. Wendy Moral “it’s the job of parents to prepare children for the road and, and not to help them”. Nobody ever made it to the top by never encountering challenges. Parents should help their children understand that behind the sacrifices they make there is a reason for it.
The message I want Parents to always send to their children that in whatever circumstances your children find themselves let them know they are capable of handling it and not to help them solve the puzzle.
“ABRAHAM LINCOLN’s LETTER TO HIS SON’S TEACHER”
He will have to learn I know.
That all men are not just, all men are not true, but teach him also that for every scoundrel there is a Hero, that for every selfish politician there is a dedicated leader.
Teach him that for every enemy there is a friend.
Teach him to learn to loose and also to enjoy winning.
Steer him away from envy if you can.
Teach him the secret of quiet laughter.
Teach him to ponder the eternal mystery of birds in the sky, bees in the sun and flowers on a green hillside.
In school teach him it is far, more honorable to fail than to cheat.
Teach him to have faith in his own ideas, even if everyone tells him they are wrong.
Teach him to be gentle with gentle people and tough people.
Try to give him the strength not to follow the crowd when everyone is getting on the band wagon.
Teach him to listen to all men, but teach him also to filter all he hears on a screen of truths and take only the good that comes through.
Teach him how to laugh when he is sad.
Teach him there is no shame in tears.
Then, he is such a nice fellow, my son.
Haruna-Mamdam, Nanzing Lucas.
Haruna-Mamdam, Nanzing Lucas is a Political Science graduate of University of Jos, Plateau State Nigeria. He loves motivating people.
His writings would be posted on this blog once every week. Don’t miss it!